Chapter 12: Filipina Wife Dealing with Abusive Ex-husband

      Jack then glanced at me and while he was cutting the meat off the cow; he said at the same time “You better stop crying or else!” What did he mean by saying if I don’t stop crying “Or else?” or else what Jack? That he would have killed me. That I would be next. I was so scared! I didn't know what he might do next, so I grabbed my 3-layers of clothing to cover my mouth, just so that he couldn't hear me sobbing anymore. It wasn’t easy to force myself to stop crying. Do you know how it feels when you are sobbing so hard, and you have to stop instantly? It is difficult to breathe, but for the sake of my life, I really had to stop crying. 

     At 10pm, the crickets were continuously making noises around us. Mosquitoes were buzzing around my ears and there were swarms of fireflies’ overhead. We were probably out there for eight hours total, still in the middle of nowhere. When Jack was done chopping up the meat into tiny bits and pieces, he smelled horrible due to cutting the guts of the cow as well. He was covered in his own sweat. He got up, got himself tons of twigs and fresh branches off a tree, and proceeded to cover the chopped-up cow’s meat. He then walked towards his truck and left the area without carrying the cow’s meat with him. I asked him why he left it, without taking at least a few pounds of meat with him, Jack just says, “Nuh! You are never to speak about this to anyone, do you understand?” I didn’t promise him, because what he did was an unspeakable thing. What kind of a man would slaughter someone’s cow inhumanely? Chop it up into pieces and not even taking a part of it or all the meat and instead just letting it rot in the corner? Was it out of his rage, just because he didn’t catch any deer that day? Or he was just a plain lunatic? 

     We headed back home, and Jack did not say a thing to me. I think he was feeling very guilty and could not believe what he had just done. When we arrived back home, he went straight to take a shower and from the shower to bed.  Whilst in bed he was tossing and turning all night. The night took so long for him! I was sure that he did not sleep a wink the whole night that he killed the cow. By dawn, he had to be up to getting ready for work, and he left the house by 5am. Everything happened that night felt like it was all a dream. I would like to think it was! It dawned on me that day that my life was at stake here. I cannot live in fear; I need to put my plans into action. I had to do something quick or else Jack might have his own plans   already cooking and who knows what he could do! Remember Jack had two personalities; his bad side weighs more than being good.   One day my mother wrote to me and begged for help due to my father being sick. (As you know,   early on when I detected that Jack tried to keep all of my earnings, I got smart about it and could hide $100 dollars a month from my earnings, and that amount went straight to my parents to cover their monthly cost of living). Therefore, I knew that $100 a month is not going to cover my parents’ medical bill if a health issue arises. I knew that Jack is tough to deal with, but there has to be a way that I could soften his heart. I was pacing back and forth. How do I go about telling Jack that my dad needs some financial medical help? Of course, I was not going to ask for a single penny from his own money. What I was about to ask him for was my own hard-earned money from my 9-5 job that he kept to himself. All I wanted from my own money was 50 bucks a month to help my dad's monthly medical bill. That was all! 

     Therefore, I was practicing my lines on how to say it in a very convincing way. It was as if I was practicing for an audition coming up! (Whatever may have happened, I had to prepare myself emotionally and physically (I said to my self]) Jack came home from work, and I made sure the house was all cleaned up and dinner was all ready for him (I did that so that the house would have a nice and calm environment, whilst I am pleading to Jack) His 18 year-old son was at school at this time. 

  

     Jack and I ate dinner together, and by the time we were done eating, I asked him if I could talk to him about something. I told him about my dad’s situation at first. I could see the expression on his face, but he continued to listen to me. When I said to him that my dad is sick, and that I would like to send an extra $50 a month from my own earnings; his face turned really red. His eyes were very big and it looked like there was a horn popping up from his head. At that exact moment, he rather looked like an evil spirit! 

     Without uttering a word, he stormed towards me and was about to strangle me violently. When I seen what he was about to do; I quickly got down on  my knees so that he wouldn't be able to reach my neck, but he was too quick that he was able to grab my tiny right arms and was just about to twist it. I also quickly turned my body along so that I would not get myself hurt. Jack then dragged me from the kitchen all the way through to the front living room and threw me out, 5 steps down, and I landed outside in the thorny rose garden.........(Physical abuse begins..) 

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