Ch.12: Dating After Divorce, Filipina Journey

I finally did arrive in Scottsdale, Arizona. JB my friend has been waiting for me outside her beautiful home while trying to direct me on how to get to her house. She took a day off from work just to entertain me that day. We went shopping all day, went out to eat and when we got tired we went back home to her house and we just sat down on her couch, reminiscing of the old days. It was great feelings to be reconnected with old friend again.

After a long fun day, JB, convinced me if I could stay one more day. I told her I can't because I promised my cousin that I would be there in Sonoma County by Wednesday and I wasn't sure if I could get there that fast (It would take me another 2 days to drive from Scottsdale, Arizona to Santa Rosa, California). Before the night ended, JB once again begged for me to stay but I couldn't say no. She was very sweet and I said yes.

JB then took me to her office room and showed me her personal computer and she was searching for something. Then she turned around and got up from her chair and have asked me to sit down. She said, "Go ahead and search for a job here in Arizona and tell me if you can find something that you think you might like." Since I have some data entry experienced I started to key in a word 'data entry' for just the heck of it and OMG! Are you kidding me? There were plenty of job and even better, the hourly rate is great. So, I said "JB, lemme think about it tonight and I'll get back with you tomorrow."

While in bed, I was thinking hard. Do I really need to reject my previous job from California and just stay here in Arizona of which I have no one here other than my friend JB. There were so many factors that I have to weigh in with my situation. For one thing, if I get a job here in Arizona where am I going to stay? Of course, I won't stay with JB. I will never ever be a burden to anyone. That is the most and one thing that I want to save my face. I do not want to be a free loader. Second thing, I am basically a homeless. I've got nothing but a car and myself. Last thing, I don't really know what to do. There were many things happened in a nick of time so quickly and swiftly that I couldn't catch-up!

So in the morning after having breakfast with JB, I told her that I just can't stay. She recommend that I should be looking to work as a 'Live-in Caregiver'. It was a very good idea. Since working as a live-in, rent and food is including in your salary. She made a phone call for me that day since she knew someone who owns and manage a private home care and BUM! I got hired within 4 days.

I started working in March 04, 2005 as a live-in caregiver. Take note that this was my 5th day only being in Arizona and I already got a job. Thanks to my friend JB.

The following Monday it was my first day off. I went home to JB that day and she allowed me to use her computer. I then, created an account on Yahoo Personal which is now bought and own by match.com. As soon as I hit the 'submit' button, just an hour after I published my profile, there were 56 men locally were writing/interested (in) me. I was static! I did not respond to any one of them for 3 days because I was overwhelmed with it.

I gathered few of my co-worker live-in caregiver and have them pick a guy for me. Ironically, two of them picked out the same candidate which is number 2 on the top list. His name is BC. He had dark brown hair, he look like he is in his mid 20s. He is very handsome but he was just  not my cup of tea. In his message, "Hi! are you Thai or Filipina?" That was his message, He keep it short and sweet.

I went back to work. I was contemplating in 3 days whether I should write BC or not. My friends persuaded me to write him. So since BC got 2 votes I sent him a brief message of who I was and the number for him to call me. While waiting to hear from him, I was overwhelmed with the non-stop letters from yahoo personal members. I just didn't know what to do. I can't focus. I only wanted few to pick but did not expect to get swamped; I've got over 300 messages within a week. I remember few or at least 4 messages were ranting and very disgruntled sounding of why I did not repond to their messages. I just want to know one person first at a time, and was trying to find a words on how to write them back nicely that I was not interested at them or it was not going to work due to our distances. I thought by just ignoring them, they would get a picture but of course not all are smart enough to understand this. So I paid for the consequences!

After three days since I emailed BC, I got a call from someone! Guess who? It was BC. When I tried to describe to him on the phone who I was, he got so choked up! He stood in an awe unbelieving and doubting if I was really that girl who he wishes to hear from!


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Ch. 11: Got Lost on the Way but God Got Something for Me

The road still dark but there were few trucks, vans and cars around me. It was a big relief to be driving all by myself during the ungodly hours knowing that I was not alone on the road. At least if my car goes crazy on me, I could get help right away.

I drove many many hours that day. I only stopped to fill up the gas tank and maybe some water to drink and a quick bathroom breaks. In my mind, there was nothing I could think of but to finally get the journey to end. It seems like I have been driving across the state  of TEXAS forever to no end. From New Orleans, Louisiana to Fort Stockton, Texas, it took me 14 hours to drive across. Yet I am nowhere closer to my final destination.

I got me a room  hotel that night at Fort Stockton, Texas and the following day which is Sunday by 4am, I was on the road again.  Oh my Gosh, it's just never ends!

After putting 550 miles that day, I was stuck for 2 hours in a traffic at Tucson, Arizona. I have the urge to use a bathroom but I couldn't get out. So to destruct myself not to think of going to the bathroom, I decided to call one of my old friend from the Philippines who now lives in Scottsdale, Arizona. I was just saying 'hello' to her but she was  very suspicious about my current situation. She didn't ask but she begged me to stop by and see her.


So what the heck and why not! I told her I would stop by to see her since I am going to hit Phoenix, Arizona anyway. I continued on driving westward bound and I missed my turn off. Instead I took the exit 199 from Hi-way-10. I didn't realized that I was merging Hi-way-8.


As I drove along the dark Hi-way 8 with no turn-off or turn around, I started to get suspicious that I was lost. 200 miles into still  I couldn't see any turn off until I saw a big billboard sign 'Welcome to YUMA' huh What! I was so dizzy. I feel so DUH!


But take note, it was already 11pm. I was hitting 49 hours into driving across the humongous land of United States all by myself without sleeping since I left cheater Blue Eyes from Pensacola, Florida. Not to mention, that this was my 4th night since my returned from the Philippines. You can only imagine how in the world a girl like me just got back from a long journey across the pacific ocean only to return to her adopted country and found out that her journey did not end there. Yet, she still managed to drive across the United States without sleeping and eating.  


I was really crashed with the whole situation  and this was probably the whole reason why my body produce too much adrenaline but of course it didn't last. At this point, I was really exhausted. I told my old friend to not expect me because I will not arrive  that night. 


I got me a motel room in Yuma that night. Got a good 4 hours sleep which is enough and by daylight I headed back to Phoenix to meet my old friend.

This is how I ended up living in Arizona. Which is not plan at all!

Click here for the next episode on how I met my prince charming...
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Ch. 10: Trials and Test of Times

Well, I am not the kind of girl that would tolerate a cheating boyfriend.  I had accepted that he cheated on me but that doesn't mean I would stay. I didn't blame myself for the whole shenanigan but definitely I wouldn't loose my self-esteem either over a cheating boyfriend. 

I had to go to the the Philippines for just 3 months and this was his trials that life has given him but obviously he failed the test or should I say the temptation was too strong for him to refused even if it means losing his bride-to-be! Letting go of him was the best decision I have ever made.

Let's go back to the continuation of the previous chapter, at this time I just passed Mobile, Alabama. It was only an hour since I left home. Blue Eyes has been calling me a number of times but I intended not to answer his call. I immediately contacted AT&T to dropped the second line of my family plan which is Blue Eyes phone. I didn't have nothing to do with him anymore.  

By 1am Saturday, this was only 3 hours since I left home. I have noticed that there was only me, myself and I driving heading towards Hi-way 10 West. I was already way  passed downtown New Orleans. I was so scared because it was totally dark. I wanted to continue on driving but also was afraid that I may run out of gas or the car would go idle in the wee hours where no one around. So I decided to find a motel at the next stop.


From far away, I sighted  a dim light that seems to look like a small town. When I got there, it was a rinky-dink town and found a dingy motel. I had no choice but to take it. I would not want to be in the road alone. While inside the shabby motel, Blue Eyes had relentlessly been calling me all night long but this time he was using the land line since I had AT&T disconnected his cellphone. He must have gone crazy for not being able to talk to me since I left him. 

I finally decided to speak to him. He was asking me what the heck was going on with me and where was I and what I was doing at this very late moment. Simply I told him in a calm voice that I was done with him and nothing he can do to make me come back,  and I was not going to deal with his deceitful lying mouth. I told him everything about the hard evidence that I've found that he indeed was cheating on me. I did not want to hear any explanation from him...click!

I hung up on him and it felt so great to be able to stick up for yourself and not letting cheaters manipulate you or use you for their benefits or self greediness.


At 330am, you would think that I would be so tired and ready to go to bed finally but oh no! My adrenaline shoot way up high after having conversation with Blue Eyes. Instead I got up, took shower and hit the road again by 4am. I haven't had any food in my stomach since I left home but for some reason, I wasn't even feeling the hungriness nor thirstiness.

Mind you, that this was only 3 days since my returned from the Philippines. I should be having a jet lag, tiredness, lack of concentration or motivation but what happened to me was a phenomenal. Too many things happens all at once and It was overwhelming.

Unconsciously, my body and brain were fighting for it and maybe due to the fact that I had been in the darkest days before and it seem to have been able to control my feelings or emotion for the second time around. I knew I was hurting, aching, my soul was bleeding. I was experiencing a feeling of great sorrow and I wanted not to feel it but I am human who can feel pain because my heart just got broken.


I was on the road again. Was not really sure if I could reach to  my destination which is California of which still 2200 miles away.  

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Ch 9: There's Nothing Scarier than the Unknown

I am so pissed off at myself for  forgetting the most important documents. I had it laid on top of the table earlier for me to remember to grab it but too much going on in my head that I literally blanked-out! Now I had to turn around and head back to Blue Eyes house. 

While I'm only 5 miles away from the house, I was hoping that Blue Eyes would be in the bathroom still so that I could just sneak in. I was driving as fast as I can and then when I got closer to the house, I slow-down and turned my lights-out so that Blue Eyes will not see my car coming through his driveway. I turned the engine off, got out of the car and slowly did the moonwalk towards the front door.

Luckily, I still have the house key. I snuck in and grabbed my documents, and for some reason Blue Eyes were still in the bathroom. (Lady Luck was with me that night. Wooh!) I ran back to my car with my documents in my hands and turned the engine on. This time I did not rave my engine. I backed out from the driveway and headed towards yet to my unknown tomorrow.

There's nothing scarier than the unknown but if I don't leave Blue Eyes, could the 'unknown'  be any worse than staying with him with a third party interfering our relationship? I was trying to gather my strength together and tried to overcome the decision I just made. I just didn't see myself being with him for a long time. I also didn't want to deal with his crap anymore and I believe I have made the right decision.


It was already 10:30pm and for the first time in my life, I was driving alone in the dark heading towards West Coast [2500K miles]. I didn't know how to handle my emotion at the time. I think I may have felt the profound sadness, defeat and betrayal, let alone the unknown state of my car. I didn't know if it'll survive for 4 days or so crossing the huge land of the United States.


I was weeping while driving. Yeah, Literally I broke down like someone just bashed my bum so hard. like I said it was the mixed emotion of leaving Blue Eyes because I cared for him but at the same time I hated him for cheating on me, and plus the thought of my car getting breakdown in the middle of nowhere during my runaway. Oh how much I was praying that night that it was not going to happen. 


While still weeping and driving, I questioned myself,  "Am I really doing this? Do I really have the courage of driving alone in the dark all by myself?" It was ridiculously odd situation because I didn't know what can happen during this transition and I know there was no hope of reclaiming my relationship with Blue Eyes due to the fact that there were so many hard evidence that indeed he was cheating on me despite of his claims that he didn't do it.

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Ch 8: Blue Eyes Sneaked Out on Me to be with Bee-yotch

B

Friday night all of my stuff were packed and ready, and some were already in the trunk of my car (Mind you, Blue Eye doesn't know at this time that I was going to leave without him). I also grabbed my important documents and laid it on top of the table. I put it there for me to remember to grab it when I am ready to take off.

Blue Eyes came home around 6pm from golfing. He was telling me that he has to find someone to watch our dog for at least a week. He went to our fridge and then asked me if I wanted any drinks from the convenience store. I said no and thanks him anyway. He then walked out the door.

While he is gone to get something from the convenience store, I called and notified my cousin to confirm my departure the following day. After having such a great conversation with my cousin I realized it has been 2 hours since Blue Eyes left to get something at the convenience store. It was already 8pm, I have tried to contact him 3 times to no avail.

So I went outside to check out on him and there I found Blue Eyes car was just sitting outside all along next to mine but he was nowhere to be found. So he was using the convenience store as an excuse so that he could screw the whore's brain out who just live across by us. More humiliating and betrayal! I just knew it that he was with her that night.

I decided to take off and started loading my stuff in my car around 9pm and was so pissed off that Blue Eyes had a nerve to screw around while I am already back home. By 945pm, one load more to go that's when Blue Eyes walking out from the Bee-yoth house. My instinct was so accurate and I did not want any words from his lying mouth. I see it with my two eyes and there was no need for another confrontation. 

He saw me loading my luggage at the back of my trunk and were asking me what the heck I was doing! I just told him that I was getting stuff ready. Blue Eyes just nodded(He was pretending that I didn't se him walking out from the bee-yotch house) and went straight to the bathroom. Just a few minutes, I heard he was turning on the shower. (Hmmm...he is now trying to clean up of course he just had sex with the bee-yotch next door.)

Without hesitation, I hopped in and rave the engine of my car. Mind you it was 10pm Friday night when I left the house. Just a few miles, I stopped at the gas station to fill up the gas tank. Blue Eyes called and questioned me why did I take off and where am I going. I just told him to get the car filled up with gas to get it ready the next morning. He then directed me to hurry up and come on home. I told him I will be home soon but I know I won't come back.

I started heading towards hi-way 10 but before I could merge I realized I left my important documents on top of the table. Darn me! I scream out loud. How could I forget the most important things?

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Ch 7: More Striking Infidelity Evidence

Well, as usual I am the type of person that does not want to have any arguments or any kinds of fights when in relationship. I tried to have a perfect relationship, although I know at the time my relationship with Blue Eyes were not. Deep down inside I know I was not happy with him.

Another night passes by still I did not confronted Blue Eyes of the things I have found. I chicken out! I just got back from a long journey and I haven't recovered at all. It's just doesn't feel right to create drama while it was just 2 days since my returned from the Philippines.

Early Friday morning our greatdane dog were barking from the window pane from our living room which woke me up. Blue Eyes must have been very tired because he didn't bother getting up at all. I got up to check up on our dog to see what she was barking about.  Well, of course she was barking on a black cat outside on our porch. I was about to go back to bed but my eyes caught a flickering cellphone message light on top of the coffee table.

Without even thinking, I just picked it up and when I pressed any button to light the screen up, the first message lit up and it reads "I Love You, Baby! XOXO from Blondie Bee-yotch." I was thinking am I really reading this? I hope this is just a dream! I blinked my eyes to see if I was dreaming. I saw my dog staring at me with sympathy as if she felt and knew what was going on around the house.

I froze up! I can't move. It hurts, really really hurts. I started to sob slowly until I can't hold it anymore. I burst in tears and cried out loud really really loud to release my anger until Blue Eyes heard me.

Blue Eyes came and was confused as to why I was crying hysterically. I finally confronted him but he firmly denies everything even I supplied him with all the evidence I've found. I was thinking right then after he denied his relationship with the bee-yotch next door neighbor there was no hope. I did not want to go this route. I didn't deserve to be treated like this and to be cheated on. I deserve better!

After the arguments, Blue Eyes left early to play golf. Nothing matters to him but playing GOLF every single freaking day! His life is all about playing GOLF GOLF GOLF. We were supposed to leave from Florida to California the following day which is Saturday. He should be packing and getting himself ready but yet he was gone again to play GOLF. I was wondering if he took off that day to be golfing the bee-yotch! (You know Effen here even though I was already home. Who knows!)

So I was getting my car cleaned up and found a pair of earrings and more cigarette butts. It didn't bother to me anymore! I have my mind set to leave Blue Eyes behind. I didn't want to deal with another hurt ache.

I went to our computer to get my AOL Internet service disconnected because it was in my name but I've discovered even more an undeniable evidence that indeed Blue Eyes were having relationship with the bee-yotch next door. There were tons of pictures of him with the bee-yotch.

No need for another confrontation. With that being said, no more hurt ache, no more dealing with con artist, a deceiver, no more dealing with another pain. I am so done with Blue Eyes!

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Ch 6: A Repugnunt and Disrespectful Bee-yotch

I didn't ruined Blue Eyes's mood that night so I have kept my mouth shut! I was suspecting that he was screwing around while I was gone for 3 months.

Finally we arrived home and the house were so comfy nice and cleaned. Fragrance Candles were lit, the environment just felt so different! Before I could settle down, Blue Eyes grabbed me and kissed me passionately like he has been missing me.

I know, I know it's normal to miss someone who has gone for a long time but I know Blue Eyes that well. He is the type of person who really doesn't know how to show his feelings; example for that is when I gave him a hug each time he comes home from golfing he would say that I smothered him so much. For him to act like that, it was weird and very suspicious to me.


The following day which is Thursday morning, we were discussing that I would like to go back to California since my previous employer will hire me back and that they are expecting me soonest. The planned was for him to drive me all the way to California which is about 2500 miles and he would fly back to Florida. Once I would get settled in, Blue Eyes will fly back to California to be with me.

I immediately purchased a one way ticket for Blue Eyes while he was gone to play golf that day. I also started packing my stuff. While in the bathroom, I grabbed my hair brush but before I could use it to stroke my hair, there were hundreds of long Blondie hair (It wasn't Blue Eyes's hair because it was very long, and of course it wasn't mine either. I have a long pitch black hair. It belongs to another woman). My suspicion of Blue Eyes screwing  around grew more at this time. Still, I couldn't prove it yet. I still need more facts or evidence.

I went to our bedroom to pack all my clothes and guess what? My clothes that I rarely use(You know nice stuff that we save for the best) were hanging in my wardrobe for many months was nowhere to be found! So I open the hamper to see if it was there and yup it was in the hamper and it has this malodorous odor. I don't know if malodorous word would be a right term to use for super stinky body odour. 

I was super duper disgusted and shocked beyond belief! Who the heck would come to our house and uses my belongings while I was gone! This person is very repugnant and very disrespectful! I've found 3 weird things since I got home (First was a cigarettes butts inside my car. Second, a blond hair in my hairbrush. Third, my clothes were being used. Wow! I was speechless and can't find the right words for this!) Blue Eyes cheated on me! 


Thursday evening came and Blue Eyes came home from golfing. Like any other day, he was normal like the way he is. In other words, he is dry in terms of showing his emotion or feelings. I would like to confront him right away of the unusual things that I have found but I bit my tongue. My biggest fear that he did not contact me at all while I was in the Philippines that he could be cheating on me became increasingly clear. I was pretty sure he was sleeping around while I was gone. We were supposed to get married when I get back.

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Ch 5: Bee-yotch Flirting with my Blue Eyes

What's up with this freakin' inconsiderate effen whore? (Pardon my language). This person knew that I was engaged with Blue Eyes but yet she was coming on to Blue Eyes very strongly in front of my face. I felt so  humiliated! But I didn't have time to think much about it because we were still in a big messed due to hurricane Ivan. There were so much stuff to be picked up! I was running errands and taking Blue Eyes's mother to doctor's appointment and so on...

Out of the blue, I received a letter from FORD Auto Car Dealer who owns my car loan. In the letter, it stated that I was given a 3 months break not to make any car payments as their way of helping anyone recover from Hurricane Ivan. This was perfect to my advantage. I could use the time to visit my family back home. Blue Eyes handed me $2k cash which was  the repayment of the money that he owed me and I purchased a round trip ticket using my credit card. It has been 5 years since I moved to America and I thought it was time to see my beloved family back home in the Philippines.

Blue Eyes and I were talking about getting married when I get back from the Philippines, so I told him I would have my wedding gown fitted in the Philippines since it is a lot cheaper to have it done there. He agreed!


Off I went to the Philippines and I spent my 3 months with my family but did not hear from Blue Eyes not a text, a word or a phone call from him. I was getting worried. I didn't know what to think. My fitted-wedding gown was ready to fly back to US with me.


I still remember the scene when I arrived back to US in Pensacola Airport on Jan. 26/2005. Blue Eyes was waiting for me at the airport lobby right next at the baggage conveyor. At first, I was uncertain if it was him. He was looking different. He dyed his hair into more blondish in a clean cut look as well. He was wearing ocean blue contacts. I just kind of tell that something is up by the way he was acting towards me and by the way he groomed himself up!

He was using my car to picked me up that night at the airport. On our way home, he was kind of in the mood of lovey dovey.  While he was busy driving and talking, I have noticed that there were cigarettes butts on the floor board, not one but there were few. Mind you, I never smoke so nor does Blue Eyes. Who could it be? What the heck? Whose smoking in my car while I was gone?

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Ch 4: A Hurricane Came into My Life, no Really a Real One

When we finally arrived in Florida after 5 long boring days of travelling, we found Mr. Blue Eyes's mother laying in her bed helpless. Her caregiver left for the day. The moment I met her, I felt her pain and suffering. Without question, eventually I became into a caregiver from a supposedly in quote "future daughter in law". 

After 3 months of tending her, she was getting better. I thought it was time for me to find a job. I guess I kind of take the credits for being so altruistic towards sick people. It was very selfish for Blue Eyes to always always left me alone everyday to care for his mother. Nothing else matters to Blue Eyes but his golfing.

At this time, I drained my savings. I got no job, I was broke and I stopped sending help to the Philippines (my family, especially my frail parents). Blue Eyes failed his promises that he was going to care for my needs If I was going to move with him to Florida. I was so gullible and Blue Eyes took advantage of it.

On September 4, 2004, Hurricane Ivan, visited us in Pensacola, Florida. I was devastated because I just started working at SEARS. We evacuated to next upper state and were gone for 4 days living in a  motel temporarily. When Hurricane Ivan subsided, we returned home only to found out a big tree had fallen into our house.

It was such a messed. We had no power for almost over a month. Water and food were very scarcely. Luckily, FEMA(Federal Agency Management Agency) were there to help us all out. We had probably been consuming MRE's(Meals Ready to Eat) for a month. Ironically, MRE's are not bad at all. I loved it and I still do!

While we are trying to get back to normal life after Hurricane Ivan, a lady across the street came by to ask Blue Eyes if she could borrow a scissor. (Really lady! You have no scissors? I was very suspicious of her. She was very flirty, she was wearing a skimpy dress and trying to lure Blue Eyes. She didn't care that I was there.)

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Ch 3: A Surprised Proposal from Blue Eyes

Now that I had rejected Mr. KC and Mr. MK, I was debating if I should go back and check my messages from match.com suitors list down to the bottom. Though Mr. Suave still bugging me, I didn't take him seriously.(I said to myself: Do I really need to do this finding my Mr. Dream man of my life? Will this journey of chasing him (My Prince Charming) be worth my time?).

I didn't want to meet some weird people anymore so I deleted my match.com account and enjoyed my single life going to the clubs with family and friends. It didn't bother me to have no boyfriend for a while.

The clubbing that I am talking about here is not those typical club that you would think! It is a Ballroom and Karaoke Clubbing.  We travelled sometimes to Downtown Vallejo, San Francisco, Daly City, San Bruno, Sacramento, Oakland and to wherever the karaoke events occurred. We didn't mind driving a couple hours or so just to have fun every weekend.

Somewhere along the way, I met Mr. Blue Eyes, who loves golf. Blue Eyes and I were dating for 6 months until we received a bad news that his mother from Florida broke her hip. Mr. Blue Eyes needed to be with his mom to  care for her but before he left California, MR. Blue Eyes proposed to me on Christmas day in 2003. (This was already almost 2 years since my divorce) I really wasn't expecting it at all. 

I was so surprised! I was not really crazy about Mr. Blue Eyes but he was nice enough that I decided to say "YES" to his proposal but yet he had to leave me behind after the proposal due to he has some tending to do. (Oh gosh! "I hope I won't regret accepthing this proposal since I wasn't sure" I said to myself).

After couple weeks being engaged, Mr Blue Eyes came back to town but not for good. He came back to take me home to his hometown; Florida for good. I was bickering with Mr Blue Eyes that I did not want to go with him for so many reason. Number 1) I had a good life in California and loving every minute of it. Number 2) I love the people I mingled with and love the job that I had. Number 3) I was not ready to move back East. In fact, I hated it. Number 4) I had a very dark memories there with my abusive ex-husband and that was one of the biggest reason. And Finally, I didn't want to relive it at all.

Mr. Blue Eyes, incessantly begging me for the last two months to go home with him. He didn't stop until I finally gave-in. So I left my family behind and quit my job. Off I went to Florida with Mr Blue Eyes not knowing what's ahead of me. While half-way through on our way to Florida, I just had an intense mixed feelings that things are not going to be alright with me and Mr. Blue Eyes.

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Ch 2: Picking the Right Suitor

The Fact that my first date (Mr. Suave, Puerto Rican) appeared to be so confident and just constantly praised me or given me some sort of compliments on the first date, that tells me right there and then that he was trying hard to impress me! Yes we have chatted for quite some time via yahoo messenger, emails and we spoke on the phone on several ocassions before we met in person but my golly! Guys, if you go for a first date, you need to be yourself, calm down and relax!  Don't try too hard to impress your first date. Worse yet you are going to make her nervous. 

Back to Mr. Suave! When the night ended, he had asked me if he could see me again. I nodded but the problem was Mr. Suave demanded that I should go and drive for 2 hours too see him the following week (Yes, you heard it right! Mr suave showed sign as a control freak at our first date). Since he drove from Daly City to North California to see me, it was acceptable that I should pay him back a visit plus I was always on his city's side every weekend for clubbing anyways. So it was not difficult.

Although Mr. Suave was charming, there was no question in my mind that he will be just a history.  I really did enjoy the hunting/dating part then after being divorced. As I told you before how much I was missing out for being married to Abusive Jack Ash!

While my email were filed up with 100's  messages from different candidates from match.com, I have yet to reply and meet these guys to really find what I was looking for.

Though I agreed that I was going to continue seeing Mr Suave from  Daly City, I didn't stop seeing others. Let me tell you my suitor #2 KC, from Antioch, California. I was very intrigue at first about KC. He was very quiet and polite yet he seems to have a dark secrets(he was a stalker, he creeped me out!). Suitor #3, MK from Oakland. He's a Jewish, outgoing yet humble but still was hung up with his feelings from his ex-wife (Goodbye MK of Oakland!).

To sum it all up, none of the three candidates were good enough for me. I went out with Mr. KC twice and I ended it right away as well as  with Mr. MK.

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Ch 1: Re-Entering Into a Dating World After Divorce

I  was having this anticipation of how I would re-enter into a world of dating again after the great emotional journey that I went through. Although, I have already met a few seductive, charming, alluring and captivating fine young men, my self-esteem at the time were very low. I guess I was just being leery and not wanting to end up in a rebound relationship.

I have heard a daring statement from someone and this person even said it to my face. She goes, "Why even bother of going out dating again when you had just experienced a bad relationship?" I was offended and was very infuriated of her remarks. Just because I went through hell with my previous relationship, I was just gonna stop dating and just sit in the corner and pity myself.  It took me a while to contemplate why in the world this person audaciously uttered a mind-boggling remarks. Well, I am  not going to suspend my life or happiness due to I was treated badly in the past.

No matter what you would say or do, there are always people out there who always puts you down anyways and I am not going to entertain that. At this time, it was over a year then since I was divorced from my abuser. I can go ahead pursue and find my lifetime happiness. Family and friends have tried hooking me up many times with their acquaintances. No one has ever capture my heart yet. Obviously, my family's attempts of hooking me up with different guy wasn't working.

So I have tried an alternatives of finding my date- online! I was so daring for doing this not knowing the pros and cons but I went ahead and joined match.com anyway. Mind you, at this time I was in California and most people that I have met doesn't act like of that hillbilly like. So i was not afraid but still of course I was cautious.

I met my very first official date, Mr. Suave, a Puerto Rican guy! He had this elagant style, very handsome, athletic, well-dressed, clean-cut and very macho. He seems to fit that  bill. He brought me a big teddy bear, a flower and a wine the first time we met. Who would want to do that on a first date? To try to entice me? Remember, I am aware of my past. So these gifts thing, I would not be sold at all. In fact, it turned me off big time.

I just don't agree that a guy will give a woman a flower/chocolate/or whatever for a first date. Unless you already know the person well. Perhaps this person was your colleagues, friends and now you two decided to go out for a date. That's perfectly fine but if this is the the first time for a guy to meet this girl, I suggest a guy should hold off for giving a gifts.

The reason being that it was uncomfortable for me to accept the gifts from him because 1) I didn't want him to blow his money on me and feel such a loser if our first date will not go smoothly. 2) A guy who would bring gifts or flowers for a first date is trying hard to win a woman's heart. In my bible of dating, this is not going to win me.

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