(Revelations of a
Woman who loves, fails, fights and lives happily ever after)
Every woman dreams of a perfect wedding-
walking down the aisle in your white wedding gown, with all eyes stuck on you
while you smile with radiance and see your groom-to-be waiting for you at the
altar. True enough, getting married to the man you love is the most magical
event that could ever happen to the life of any girl. Everything is just so
perfect - you, being the most perfect bride for the most perfect groom of your
life. It just simply feels like you are living in your own fairy tale.
Perhaps, some couples would say yes. After
the wedding, they managed to continue living happily with their husbands and
wives and built a family of their own. Unfortunately, mine wasn’t like that. I
was one of those unlucky women who deserved to be happy, but wasn’t able to get
what I deserve. Yes, I was a happy bride before - I was deeply in love with my
man, with his sweet words and with his pretentious actions. The man, whom I
thought would be with me until I grew old, was just trying to disguise himself
in a sheep’s clothing, trying to conceal his “wolf-like” traits.
Looking back to the year 1998, I was able
to meet a guy who seemed to be nice and gentle. Even though I knew that he was
of a different nationality, I immediately trusted him as he showed me and my
family the gentle attitude that he acquired. It was nothing but a usual love
affair experience - talking over the phone most of the time, sending each other
snail mails every week and other things people usually do to convey their
interest to the person.
As time went on, we gradually felt
something more for each other. I can still remember that feeling when
everything around me seemed to be perfect. I can still remember that day when I
fell in love with him, and imagined to myself that one day I would be with this
man, and spend the rest of our lives together. Finally, when he decided to fix
my papers for my non-immigrant visa, all I thought of was I finally achieved
another piece of my life puzzle, and that is to find someone whom I can marry
and love. Everything was so perfect at that time, everything looked so true. It
was then that I realized that it was maybe just “too good to be true”.
My man was a self-confessed Christian. He
went to church at least 4 to 5 times a week and even gave approximately 40% of
his earnings as tithes to the church where he belonged. He also required me to
do the same when I get arrived in the US, but that was the only activity he
allowed me to do.
During my stay with him, I was deprived of so many things that I needed
and wanted to do. No phone calls or any mail for my family and friends way back
in Philippines. No friends to talk to when I am bored at home. No personal
toiletries were available for me - I don’t know if he was just unaware of the
things women need, or just he didn't really care about the things I needed.
There were really a lot of terrible
memories I had while I was living with him, so many terrible memories which
were already enough to put the good old days far away from my mind. I was
emotionally stressed and abused by his words that slowly killed me as a person.
I was physically abused by his big biceps
and strong arms that were supposed to be wrapped around my body to make me feel
secure and protected. I was a pitiful woman, who only wished and dreamed of a
happily married life, but instead ended up having nothing but pain, grudges and
bitterness.
But to fast forward things and summarize
it all, after almost 30 months of undying patience with him and his abusive
acts, I finally got the chance to get away from him and that is, I thought, the
second chance of my life. I finally got a chance to make our divorce be
legalized and was able to escape from his controlling attitudes and insensitive
actions.
Yes, I was broken at that time as a
person, thinking that I was shattered into pieces in a foreign country without
any family or friends to lean on. However, with my sheer courage and a positive
mental attitude I was able to get through all of the pain of my past and
finally, move forward and start once again.
With the help of my friends here in the US
and with God’s guidance, I managed to surpass all of the challenges that tested
my strength, patience and faith in Him as a person. With all the things that
had happened, neither of those I really regret, because those were the
experiences that made me stronger than ever. Those were the real life
experiences which were maybe not great to cherish, but they have truly given me
so much to learn in life.
None of my life plans occurred how I'd like
them to be. I failed to have my fairy tale ending with him, I never thought
“and I live happily ever after…” and instead even got the worst wife-venture
ever. But that was a part of my evolution to become a better person. I now take
it all as if it’s a dangerous adventure that I was able to finish and outstrip.
And I would like to think that after all, I still didn’t do so badly. I am now
ready to step towards the next chapter of my life to look for my fairy tale’s
ending where it could end happily, now and forever.
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