Why Didn't You Leave?

Image courtesy of [Sira Anamwong] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My topic today would be the highlights of the past of my darkest life. Some of you may have already an idea where this story is going. A sensitive topic called "DOMESTIC VIOLENCE". Nevertheless, if this is your first time, please keep on reading because what I am going to tackle here is a question everyone asks: Why would anyone stay with a man who abuses her?

 

I was 23. I was dreaming of true love. Just like any other women out there when it comes to finding a soul mate, you want nothing but someone who can accept your flaws and still sees the best in you and that is when I met Jack Ash. I was smitten by his charm, sweetness, and wittiness. He was very passionate and showed so much care not just with me but also to my family. One of the things that Jack Ash made the biggest impression on me was that he was very emotional when he told me that he loves me and that he has never felt this way before with another woman. With that being said, I believed in him.

A year after, I accepted his proposal and I moved to the US with him and married the man whom I thought was my forever soul mate. It didn’t take long that Jack Ash would turn into a dictator. Who would then tell me what to wear, how not to tie my hair or how short my skirt was. You see I am just a typical woman who thought being controlled by a husband was a norm, especially when a woman likes me who had just arrived into this big city and know nothing about my adopted country, and the fact that Jack Ash was the one that provides our home financially, I thought it was okay.

   

Day by day, that controlling behavior from Jack Ash has turned from bad to worse. I was deprived of having not to meet new friends; I was not allowed to call anyone nor my family back home. I was not allowed to work. I was pretty much a prisoner. I can’t voice my opinion for I have been told I would get hurt if I would try to do so.

   

Jack Ash superimposed himself as a Christian yet when he is in desperation or frustration he would take his anger out on an animal. I’ve witnessed him shot a baby Rottweiler dog at a blank point range. At another time, I have witnessed him shot a cow at a close range. At this time, he has not raised his hands on me, at least not yet!

   

It took me a while to understand that I was in abusive relationship. I didn’t know at that time that I was a victim of domestic violence. I thought for him for not allowing me to work was because his earnings were enough for just the two of us. He was controlling me because he thinks he has the right to because he thinks he owns me; because it was him who brought me into to this country. But what he did was to entrap me. He has told me over and over again that I was nothing and that I couldn’t live without him.

   

A lot of people I know, friends and family asked me this question plenty of times, “Why didn’t you leave. Why did you stay?” It might have been so easy for anyone to question a victim. Yes, Jack Ash abuses me verbally and to the point emotionally and spiritually. I did not dare to leave him thinking that he would change just like he had promised. Everything seems fine when is not abusive. I know, it sound stupid but that’s how the abusive will make you feel. You are nothing but a piece of S***t to them. They would tell you that on your face over and over and over again.

Being only two years living here in America at that time, I was aware of my situation but I didn't know anyone. I had no one to run to. Even If I could stay with friends, I would not be allowing myself to be a burden to them. My abuser did not allow me to work so I had not had a penny. So even If I could leave my abuser, I wouldn't be able to. I was trapped! My abuser has told me a million times that if I leave him, he would use his last dime just to make my life living in hell. To that end, I was so scared that I had almost given up.

   

Stay tuned....

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